


More Than We Know

by coldfusion9797



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M, M/M, post-season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-23 22:11:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7481835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voight has a crush on Antonio which Erin and Jay decide to use to their advantage. They draw Antonio into the plan with unexpected results.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Suggestion

**Author's Note:**

> Bringing this one over from fanfiction. Enjoy!

The question that came out of Erin's mouth was how Voight knew she'd had more than a few too many.

He was in her apartment at her request. Sometimes she still needed to talk to her friend and not her boss, especially after the whole Charlie thing.

"You ever think about bending your rule?"

"No," he stated, shutting the dangerous conversation down before it was allowed to begin.

"But don't you ever get lonely Hank?" she pressed, twirling a strand of hair around her finger.

"What happened to the fireman?" Voight asked to distract her, and hopefully prevent her asking a question to which the only answer could be no.

"He had more issues than we do."

"Oh."

"Uh-huh," she agreed, tracing the rim of her glass pensively.

The distraction was only momentary, Erin soon picked up her original train of thought again.

"Don't you wish you had someone to come home to at night? What we do is hard. Don't you think a cop would understand that better than anyone?"

"Erin," he said as gently yet firmly as possible, "you're like a daughter to me, it's not gonna happen."

He tried not to take offence when she choked on her drink.

"What? You and me?" she spluttered. "Oh my God, that's so not where I was going with that."

He frowned at her apparent shock but then realised who she was talking about.

"You mean Halstead?"

"He _is_ a great guy."

"He wouldn't be on my team if he wasn't. But the answer is still no."

"I wasn't actually talking about him."

"Who then? Ruzek?"

"I think he's got more prospects than he can handle already. What I meant was _for you_. Don't you think it would be nice?"

"Nice isn't high on my priority list."

"Stop avoiding the question. I'm not talking about a fling. I mean if there was someone special, someone you had real feelings for, you wouldn't pursue that?"

"You're the only woman on the team."

"I know that."

"Then I'm still not sure what point you're trying to make here Erin."

She looked at him thoughtfully.

"You really don't know?"

"I really have no idea what this drunken rant is all about," he confirmed.

"Really?"

"Not a clue."

"Huh," she said, leaning back and taking another sip of her drink.

xxx

"We're a team right? A family? There is nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"What do you want?" Antonio asked Jay. "If it's coffee, make your own."

"Really Antonio? Can't we just share a moment?"

"Us? No. Pass the sugar."

Jay did.

"Well now that you mention it, there is something small."

Antonio sat the sugar down, crossed his arms and raised a brow.

"I'm listening."

"See, me and Lindsay, we were thinking Voight might not be so strict on his 'no in house dating' rule if he broke it himself."

"If that's what you think," Antonio said, picking his coffee up and taking a sip, "then I'm not sure you know him as well as you think you do."

"You said you'd listen," Jay complained.

"Alright, go on," Antonio said with an eye roll, sort of interested to see where the hell Jay was going with this.

"Okay, just roll with me here. What if he went out with someone on the team? He might be more open to the idea if he did and had a good time."

"And what's this got to do with me? Erin's the only woman on the team, I think her dating Voight defeats the purpose of what you're trying to achieve here."

"She is the only girl, but there are plenty of guys," Jay said with a ridiculous wiggle of his eyebrows.

"You think Voight's into men?"

"A man, yeah." From the pointed look Jay gave him, Antonio realised who he was talking about. It was the dumbest thing he'd ever heard.

"So let me get this straight," Antonio began. Jay's lip quirked, Antonio realised what he'd said and told Jay to shut up before he went on. "You want me to ask Voight out so you and Erin can date without getting into trouble?"

"Yeah!" Jay confirmed with a grin. "I knew you'd jump on board."

"I never said that. What makes you even think he'd go for it?" Antonio said, wondering much too late if that was the right question to ask.

"C'mon Antonio, seriously? He's got it bad for you. You must have noticed. You're the only one he actively chased for this team. Erin and Olinsky were a given, he let Olinsky pluck Ruzek from the academy and he took me on your say so. But you? You he wanted."

"I'm a good cop."

"So am I, but do you think he'd kill for me? I caught him on the brink of committing cold-blooded murder for you and he only stopped because I told him that's what you wanted. Since when does Voight give a damn what anyone else thinks?"

"I dunno, we clash. A lot."

"That's because he cares what you think. You think he'd bother getting into an argument with me? He'd just tell me to shut the hell up and that'd be that."

"You've thought about this way too much."

"C'mon, he's like the president of the Antonio Dawson Fan Club, it's pretty obvious."

"There's a fan club?"

"Yeah. And I'm sure it'll be thrilled if you ask it out for drinks."

Whether any of this was true or not, Antonio couldn't do it.

"No way. I'll lose my job."

"I'll make sure you don't," Erin chimed in, suddenly appearing in the coffee room. Antonio suspected she'd been lurking nearby to learn the outcome of Jay's request. "I'll tell him it was my idea if it backfires."

He looked between them both, their faces lit up in anticipation of his cooperation. Honestly, it was a little unnerving.

"Are you both out of your minds? The answer is no."


	2. The Realisation

Jay's observations played over in Antonio's thoughts all day. The more he thought about what Jay had said the more he wondered if Jay could be right. It was undeniable that Voight did all those things but did that mean that Voight thought more of him than the rest of them? That he thought he was special?

It was getting late when Antonio looked up from his desk to realise he was the only one left. The only one except Voight, who was arse deep in paperwork too.

Antonio knew why he was still here, an empty house wasn't exactly a great incentive to get up and go home, but what was Voight doing? Was he using paperwork as an avoidance tactic too? If so, what was he avoiding?

Antonio grabbed his jacket and instead of heading for the door he found his feet taking him in the opposite direction.

He knocked on the door of Voight's office and poked his head inside.

"Hey Voight." _What are you doing? You'll screw everything up!_ The sensible part of his brain screamed, while the other part, whatever that was, urged him on. "Wanna grab a drink?"

Voight looked up at him curiously. Antonio stared back, wondering what exactly was going on in the sergeant's mind at that moment. Would he accept? Would he refuse? Which was preferable? Antonio knew that when Voight did answer he was still unlikely to ever learn his motives. Voight liked to play his cards close to his chest when it came to personal matters.

"Yeah, alright," Voight answered after a pause, throwing his pen down, "sounds good Antonio." He stood up and grabbed his jacket. "Sure beats the shit outta this."

xxx

Antonio downed his first two drinks within thirty seconds of setting foot in the bar. They found a table out of the way and ordered a few more. It wasn't long before Antonio started to feel the buzz from the alcohol and he forced himself to slow down, certain that losing his inhibitions tonight would lead to saying something that he knew he shouldn't. So when the next drink arrived, he nursed it. Of course Voight noticed because he was a cop and it was in their nature to notice things.

"Everything alright Antonio?" Antonio noticed for the second time that night, there was something about the way that Voight said his name. He always used his first name Antonio realised.

"Yeah," he lied. The lie was about nothing in particular because pretty much everything in his life was wrong. Being back in the field was about the only thing he was happy with. He stared into his drink as he thought.

He didn't want another wife. He'd been there, done that. He did want someone though. Someone who wouldn't bust his balls for giving one hundred percent to the job he loved. Someone who would understand. It seemed unlikely he'd ever find a person like that given his commitment to the police.

"Hey." Voight bumped his hand against the back of Antonio's where it was wrapped around the glass. He looked up at Voight's concerned face. "What's my rule?"

"The dating one?" Antonio blurted out before he thought, which was totally unlike him. What was the matter with him tonight? Bloody Jay, that's what. He was gonna have to punch the idiot at training tomorrow for putting stupid ideas in his head.

"No, the one I actually give a damn about." Voight's dark eyes watched him closely. He was waiting for an answer. Waiting for the truth.

"You want the truth? I don't know. I don't know what the matter is..."

"You've had a lot to deal with lately, with getting back on the job and your family. How are things at home?" That was something Antonio knew he definitely didn't want to talk about. It sucked having his family gone. Everything he'd built, everything he thought would be the rest of his life, was gone. To avoid it he asked a question instead.

"Why'd you stay back so late at the office Sarge?"

"Same reason as you I suspect. Nowhere better to be." Man, the night was turning into a total downer and when Antonio realised how pathetic they were both being, Jay's voice popped into his head. What if he went out with someone on the team? ...and had a good time. The thought prompted him to knock back another drink, slamming the empty glass determinedly down on the table when he was done.

"Life is what you make it right?" he declared. Voight watched him carefully for a few moments longer, before letting his own mood relax. He held up his glass.

"I'll drink to that."

xxx

Erin's pep talk or whatever the hell it had been kept playing on his mind. Now that she'd mentioned it, he was kinda lonely and however hard he racked his brain about who could fill that void, there was one person his thoughts kept wandering back to.

So he'd accepted Antonio's invitation.

Gender had never been make or break for him. He either liked a person or he didn't. And Antonio? Antonio he liked a lot. He was cool. He owned the tough guy persona because he was the real deal. Coulda been a boxing champ if he hadn't given it up for the force. He'd sacrificed that to serve and protect. Selfless and brave to a fault.

Despite Antonio's sombre mood at the start of the evening things had relaxed and they'd managed to have an okay time. Antonio had talked a lot, about everything and nothing, past cases, old buddies, whatever popped into his head.

"...it was that Gradishar bitch from IA that got him killed."

Antonio was talking about an old partner that had committed suicide because Gradishar had pinched him on a payroll technicality. It sounded like exactly the kinda of thing the ambitious and talentless cop would do.

"That's a lousy break to catch. She coulda pinched just about anyone for that on her way up."

"Yeah and then she has the hide to ask me to rat on you."

"So no matter what, you wouldn't have helped her?"

"Hell no."

The thought disappointed him. Voight realised he'd been kinda hoping Antonio had done that for him.

Antonio slipped his jacket on.

"Time to call it a night, I think they're closing up."

Voight glanced around to find the bar all but empty and a quick look at his watch told him it was close to midnight. For the second time in as many minutes Voight found himself disappointed. Now that the evening was drawing to a close he'd have to say goodbye to Antonio. He didn't want to. Though he hated to admit it, maybe Erin was right. Maybe there was someone he cared about more than he realised and maybe that person was right in front of him.

"We don't have to. My place isn't too far from here." The words were out before he thought about how that might sound.

"Sure, okay," Antonio shrugged. Voight didn't question it, he just got up and headed for the door, unexpectedly and secretly thrilled by the fact that Antonio was by his side.

xxx

"You want another drink?" Voight called from the kitchen.

"Na, I'm good. Thanks."

Now that he was here Antonio wasn't exactly sure what he was doing. Alcohol had a tendency to do that.

Voight settled down beside him on the couch with a glass of something amber in his hand.

"Kinda strange to have this much time to ourselves," Antonio commented to fill the silence.

"Remind me to thank the bad guys for taking a night off," Voight said, taking a sip of his drink. He was the most relaxed Antonio had ever seen him.

"But what would we do without them?"

"Well, you'd be an Olympic gold medallist and I'd..." Voight trailed off, but Antonio was suddenly desperate to hear the answer.

"You'd what?"

"I dunno," Voight shrugged, swallowing another mouthful. "There isn't really another option, being a cop isn't something you do, it's something you are. If you're good one anyways..."

Antonio got that. The pull of the police force was something he hadn't been able to resist and he really couldn't imagine his life any other way. He wondered if that held true for the others on the team. Jay for one hadn't started out as police.

"I don't know if Jay's a cop. I think he's still a soldier."

"What's the difference?"

"He lacks subtlety."

Voight actually smiled at that. "It's a fine line, knowing when to hold back and when to hit out."

"You walk that line pretty well."

"I've had a lot of practice and you're not so bad yourself."

"I'm not sure I could make the calls you do."

"What are you talking about? You're a brilliant cop."

"I'd never have gotten Diego back without you."

"I don't believe that but I'm glad I could help."

Antonio dropped his head. He didn't feel worthy of the praise.

Voight had always believed in him, even when Antonio was too stubborn and self-righteous to return the favour.

"I think you're too good to me."

"Hey. Look at me."

Voight's gravelly voice held a note of concern that Antonio had rarely heard from the other cop and he forced himself to look up. Voight deserved that much after everything he'd done for him.

"You're one of the best cops I know so don't you go getting any stupid ideas because Laura couldn't handle it. She's the one that walked away so that's her problem, not yours."

"You want me on the team that bad?"

"I want you on the team that bad."

"Why?"

The question hung heavily in the air between them until Voight reached up and fastened his hand on the back of Antonio's neck, looking him straight in the eye and forcing him to maintain eye contact.

"You really are one of the best. I love seeing you work. The stuff you come up with is invaluable. Like those insulin boxes for the bullets. It took you all of five seconds to figure that out. And when you went UC with that Vadala cowboy. Jesus, any of the rest of us woulda ate lead for sure but not you. You kept your cool and handled the situation. It damn well wouldn't be the same without you there."

Antonio was a little taken aback by the fierce and genuine way Voight spoke, and the thought that occurred to him was that Jay was right. He'd been spot on in his assessment of Voight's feelings. Voight did put him above the others. Antonio was flattered and the answer he managed seemed weak in comparison but he didn't know what else to say.

"Thanks boss."

And as he continued to look into Voight's eyes Antonio knew he could make him break his rule. He vaguely wondered just how drunk they were because he could see that Voight wanted him and he himself wasn't completely opposed to the idea.

But he also knew he didn't want to. He didn't want to compromise Voight's integrity within his own unit, he respected him too much for that. Pulling away was much harder than he expected but it was the right thing to do.

"I should probably get going." Voight dropped his hand and watched him carefully.

The moment threatened to grow awkward, so Antonio put a smile on his face and made light of it.

"I've got this pain in the arse boss that won't be happy if I show up late for work in the morning."

"I'm sure he'd let you get away with it this once."

Shit. It didn't look like Voight was gonna give up and besides, Antonio didn't like all this cloak and dagger crap between friends. They spent enough time bullshitting the rest of the world without doing it to each other.

"Cards on the table Sarge?"

"You know I always want the truth from you."

"Halstead and Lindsay asked me to ask you out. They wanted you to break your rule so they could break it too. I didn't think that'd be the case but I asked you out anyway. And now, even though I kinda want you to, I don't think you should break it. Does that make sense?"

"They obviously don't know me as well as they think they do."

"That's what I said."

Voight was silent as he mulled it over. Antonio assumed he was planning what to do with Erin and Jay, but his next question didn't reflect that.

"What do you mean 'kinda'?"

"I don't know, this is all pretty weird. Not something I ever imagined would happen."

"That doesn't mean it couldn't."

Antonio wished he hadn't had quite so much to drink. He tried to come up with something noncommittal.

"This isn't a test?" It wouldn't be the first test he'd put one of them through after that whole thing with Jay and Lonnie's murder.

"No. Halstead and Lindsay need to learn that they do what I say, not what I do. Besides, what I do is none of their goddamed business."

"I'm still not sure what that means."

"It means, do what you like Antonio. I'm not gonna kick you off the team for anything that happens in the next five minutes."

Was that an ultimatum? Was this a now or never thing? He didn't have the brain power to process something this big after he'd had so much to drink. He didn't want to lose the opportunity but he didn't want to fuck it up either. He decided honesty was the best policy.

"Can I get a raincheck on those five minutes? I think I need to think about this."

Voight watched him a second longer before his face became unreadable and he leaned back and reached for his drink.

"Sure Antonio. Whatever you want."


	3. The Reaction

Jay ambushed him the minute he walked in the door. He supposed it was to be expected, the guy was a detective after all.

"How'd it go?"

"How'd what go?" Antonio said, feigning ignorance as he took his jacket off and slowly hung it on his chair, making sure to be particularly attentive to the task just to piss Jay off.

"C'mon Antonio, spill. Can Erin and I date now or what?"

"Or what."

"Stop being a jackass and tell me properly. Did Voight go for it? You weren't at training this morning..."

That was true but it wasn't what Jay thought judging by the ridiculous look on his face. Boozed up and unwound for once in their highly strung lives, they'd fallen asleep on the couch, that was all. A fortunately timed call from Olinsky had woken them in time to get to work. Not that any of that was Jay's business.

"If by 'it' you mean me, I don't think that's any of your damn business."

Satisfyingly, Jay looked rather affronted by that.

"It was my idea!"

"So?"

"So it gives me a right to know."

"It doesn't give you shit. Now back off."

Across the room Antonio's eyes briefly connected with Voight's. Even if he was inclined to discuss any of this with Jay, there was no way he was gonna do it while Voight was watching. Antonio wasn't sure whether that was because he was worried he'd give his feelings away or that he wouldn't. He didn't even know if there were any feelings. He didn't think so but for some reason he didn't want Voight to know that either. Maybe talking about it wasn't such a bad idea.

"Later, yeah?"

"Okay," Jay allowed, "but you better actually mean that."

"Yeah, yeah. Now scram," Antonio agreed, ushering the younger cop away from his desk.

Jesus Christ, he felt like a mixed up teenager right now and that was a disturbing thought. If talking to Jay, even though he was annoying the hell out of Antonio at the moment, would help get his head on straight then it had to be worth a shot.

xxx

It was exactly why Voight forbade romantic relationships within his unit. His mind was not one hundred percent on the job today. He was too busy worrying about what Antonio was doing, especially after his haste to get out the door this morning. Admittedly he'd always taken a particular interest in him because he was a clever cop and just so damn likeable but this was getting ridiculous. How his arse looked in those crazy coloured jeans he wore was not part of the job. Nor was the way slid his jacket off, or the way he clenched his jaw when Halstead wouldn't back off. And the earring. Man, did he have to be quite so damn rock star? Wasn't it enough that he was already one of the coolest people Voight had ever met?

"Hey Hank?"

"Yeah Al?" Voight answered, still somewhat distracted.

"You trying to burn a hole through Dawson?" That caught his full attention. Great. Olinsky knew. But then of course he did, he wasn't the stake out guy for nothing. His powers of observation far surpassed the realms of natural.

"Thanks."

His old comrade shrugged. The comment was a friendly warning that if he'd noticed others would too. Voight took the warning and resolved to quit staring. Though that was gonna be easier said than done.

xxx

"You missed training this morning," Jay commented.

"Hence we find ourselves in the gym now," Antonio pointed out. Jay had worked out without him this morning so he was just here for the gossip. For a brief moment Antonio wondered if that made them as bad as girls, he countered the thought by hitting the punching bag Jay held steady for him as hard as he could. Though the impact was hard enough to rock Jay back it didn't derail his train of thought.

"You never miss training."

Antonio punched with his left this time.

"Is there a question in there?"

Right.

"Were you with Voight all night?"

Left.

"It's not what you think."

Right.

"Oh my God! You were!"

Antonio stopped punching.

"Wanna keep it down? Besides, I told you it's not what you think."

Jay dropped his voice but didn't lose any of his enthusiasm.

"You _have_ to tell me everything..."

Antonio raised a brow.

"Well not everything," Jay clarified, "but everything you said."

"There's not that much to tell. We went to a bar until closing and then we went back to Voight's place..."

Jay's eyes lit up excitedly and if he had a tail Antonio was sure it would be wagging uncontrollably right now. Antonio couldn't take it.

"What are you?" he snapped. "Part Cocker Spaniel? You're way too excited about this."

"Yeah well, I've got a hot date with Erin to look forward to. Can you blame me?"

"Point taken," Antonio allowed, she was super sexy with her husky voice. "That might not be happening though..."

"What do you mean?" Jay frowned.

Antonio pulled his glove off and rubbed his chin.

"I mean I kinda mighta let slip about the whole reason I asked him out."

"Antonio!"

"I know," he groaned, "I'd had a lot to drink."

"So what'd he say?"

"That what he does is none of your business and that just because he does something doesn't mean you can too."

"Right," Jay deadpanned, "so it's all going according to plan then?"

"If you want to lose your job then I'd say yeah, it's working out perfectly," Antonio played back.

They were silent a moment.

"I can't believe you told him," Jay huffed.

"I honestly didn't plan to, it just kinda happened..."

"What? He seduced you into telling, did he?"

"Kinda actually, yeah. He was really great. He helped me figure some stuff out..." Though Jay was a mate there were some things Antonio couldn't talk to him about. Things like... well things like he'd talked to Voight about. Fears he hadn't even admitted to himself. Things a younger cop couldn't understand.

Jay watched him curiously.

"You're actually thinking about this, aren't you? Last night was a date..."

"Don't be ridiculous..." Antonio avoided.

"Yeah right," Jay scoffed. "Well you can thank me by convincing Voight not to kick me out."

"I'm not sure I hold that kinda sway."

"Oh please, he'd walk through the fires of Hell for you."

Antonio couldn't help smiling a little at that, he covered it by teasing Jay.

"What makes you think I want you to stay?"

"Oh, that's cold. I might've just hooked you up with the love of your life-"

"I think that's a bit ambitious," Antonio countered quickly. "We've only been out once."

Jay grinned.

"So you admit it was a date."

Antonio resisted the urge to face-palm himself and levelled his gaze at Jay before he could dig himself any deeper of a hole.

"When are we gonna spar?"

"When you can admit I'm awesome and that I was totally right about you and Voight."

Antonio laughed.

"So never then?"

"Suits me, I don't really wanna get my arse kicked. Seriously though. He could be really great for you."

"Yeah?" Antonio said with genuine curiosity. "You were never Voight's biggest fan."

"I saw a different side of him after the whole Pulpo thing. I know one thing for sure, he will always do right by you but I guess in the end you're the only one who knows how you feel."

But that was the whole problem, wasn't it? Antonio had no idea.

xxx

This morning Ruzek thought Antonio might've punched Jay in the mouth if he didn't leave him alone and this afternoon they were acting like best buddies. That might even be a smile on Antonio's face...

"Hey Al? What the hell is going on around here today?" Apart from those two, Voight had been watching Antonio like a hawk, probably because of whatever he and Jay clearly had going on. Though that didn't explain why Lindsay was strutting around looking like she owned the place.

"How should I know?" Olinsky shrugged in his usual aloof way.

Ruzek should've known better than to expect an answer from his enigmatic partner. Still, it didn't change the fact that everyone else was acting like a pack of weirdos. Sometimes he wondered if it was him or them. Was this just what plain clothes cops were like? Or had he wandered into the twilight zone of the CPD?

"Stop thinking so hard, it doesn't suit you," Olinsky said, shoving Ruzek's jacket at him. "Come on, we've gotta go. I need to stop by the store for more diapers on the way."

Ruzek didn't hesitate. He pulled the jacket on and followed Al down the stairs without question. He did wonder though, whether that made him as good or as bad as the rest of them.


	4. The Effect

"Look," Antonio said, sequestering himself in Voight's office with the older cop, "I just want to make sure that everything's cool between us." Apart from a few lingering looks the morning after they'd been out drinking, Voight had barely acknowledged Antonio's existence. Work-related conversations aside, they hadn't spoken at all. All the little things, all the things Antonio hadn't known he'd miss until they were gone, were missing. They'd always shared an unspoken understanding. Considering Voight's reputation he hadn't expected that. Not to mention Antonio had been the one to arrest Voight, effectively sending him to prison.

He knew now that he liked that Voight treated him differently and when Voight called him Dawson, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Voight said, leaning back and levelling his gaze at Antonio in an almost challenging way. Jesus, which way did Voight want him to jump? The truth, that's what he'd want. He always wanted the truth.

"C'mon Voight," Antonio appealed, taking a seat and leaning across the desk towards him, "at least tell me I'm not going out of my mind."

"How the hell am I supposed to know what's going on in your head bro?"

Antonio leaned back and scrubbed his hands over his face.

"Shit."

Voight watched him with cool regard.

"Are you done with your meltdown yet?"

Antonio huffed out a breath and focused on the other man.

"For now."

"Well okay. What's the problem?"

How the hell did he even put it into words? He wanted to ask what he'd done wrong. Had he let Voight down? Had he disappointed him by not accepting his offer straight away? But articulating any of that made it sound like he wanted to pursue things and what if Voight didn't? What if this was his way of telling Antonio it was over?

He shook his head. That was ridiculous. There was nothing to be over. There'd never been anything between them to begin with.

"What?" Voight pressed.

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"Well I'm glad we got that sorted."

"Sorry Sarge,"Antonio said, getting up from his seat to leave, "it won't happen again."

xxx

"A little birdie told me you've got a thing for the ranger."

"Oh yeah," Erin said nonchalantly, as she continued to stir her coffee.

"Yeah. And I don't appreciate you interfering in my personal life."

She sat her coffee down and glared at him.

"That's a bit unfair don't you think? You're not just interfering in mine, you've put it in a body bag."

"I've told you before, if you wanna date a cop there are plenty of other districts."

"Jay's not in another district."

"So you do have a thing for him?"

"It's more than a 'thing'. You think I'd go against your wishes if this was some passing fancy? I think I could have a real future with him."

"Then one of you needs to give up Intelligence."

"That's not fair. We've both earned the right to be here."

"It's my unit Erin and that means my rules. Take it or leave it."

"I'm not having this discussion here."

"Oh, you're not?"

"No. If you want to talk about this rationally you can come over for dinner tonight otherwise we're done here."

She stood firm and held his gaze as he considered. Her determination was what made him decide to give her a shot.

"What time should I come over?"

"I'll see you at eight."

"Alright. Eight it is then."

xxx

If things were gonna be weird between himself and Antonio, and Erin insisted on being a pain in the arse, he'd have to find his kicks elsewhere.

"Hey Halstead."

"Yeah Sarge?" the young detective said, looking up at him eagerly.

"The ice you're skating on is pretty thin. Better think about what direction you're heading..."

Halstead's expression dropped as the awareness of just what that implied sunk in and Voight walked away satisfied that he'd made his point.

xxx

"You're dad knows about us," Jay told Erin en route to a crime scene. "About the plan."

"I know," she said, taking her eyes off the road long enough to frown at him. "And don't call him that."

"I think he's gonna kick me out."

"He won't. At least not until I talk to him. He's coming over for dinner tonight."

"That should be fun. What are you gonna tell him?"

"I don't know. I wanna see how he plays it. And it's not like we've even done anything yet."

"And why is that again?"

"Because we value our jobs and respect our colleagues."

"For all the good it does us. Look, if he does fire me, the first thing I'm doing is coming over to your place so you better be ready."

Even though he was kinda pissed at the whole situation Jay couldn't stop half a smile forming on his face. Erin glanced over at him and the same eagerness lit up her eyes.

"Deal."

xxx

Erin was just serving dinner out when he arrived. She'd cooked which was his first clue about how serious she was.

"Let's eat first," she suggested. He could live with that, the dinner smelled good. It was a recipe Justin's mother had taught Erin to cook when they'd taken her in.

They began to eat in silence. It was Erin who broke it.

"I got a letter from Justin," she said. "He's doing good."

"Yeah?" Voight hadn't heard from his son since he'd dropped him off at the recruitment office. He figured the kid was still mad at him, but Justin had forced his hand. It was good to know he was getting on okay and Voight was glad that he and Erin kept in touch.

"Yeah," she said warmly. "He's thinks he might be shipping out soon." Putting his son in the line of fire was the price he paid for keeping him out of prison. Both options were dangerous but at least this one would teach Justin about being the best he could be.

"Sounds like he must've finally learned some discipline then."

"Yeah, the army will do that," she said pointedly. He had a feeling they weren't talking about Justin anymore.

"Is this you making a point? Because after that whole Lonnie mess you've gotta be kidding me if you think Halstead's disciplined..."

"Those were extenuating circumstances," she defended. "A paedophile killed his friend!"

"Take it easy there, Lindsay," he soothed, "you're proving my point for me. We're cops in an elite unit, there are always extenuating circumstances. We can't let our emotions cloud our judgement."

"You're just looking for excuses."

"No, I'm just being realistic."

"So am I," she said with determination. He knew she thought he was just doing this because he could but he was speaking from experience. He'd learned a lot since then though and hopefully he'd passed some of that wisdom onto Erin. Did she deserve a shot at having the job and the man she wanted? It was a tough call because he hated to see her miserable but he knew better than most that they rarely got second chances in their line of work. Bullets tended to be unforgiving. Truth be told, Antonio was a walking miracle to survive two shootings. Maybe he could at least hear her out.

Voight leaned back and crossed his arms.

"Go on then. Convince me."

"What?"

"You wanted your chance, so here it is. Tell me why you and Halstead should be the exception to the rule."

"For one thing I think we're both professional enough to leave the personal stuff at home and put the job first."

"So you're telling me that if we get tangled up in a gun fight, you're not going to be worried about what he's doing?"

"Jay's ex-military, I think he can handle himself."

"And what about him? You think he can do the same? I know I'd sure as hell have to think twice before letting the person I love walk into a gunfight ahead of me." The image of Antonio laying on the ground bleeding filled his mind. He never wanted to be in the situation of trying to stop him from bleeding out before the paramedics arrived ever again.

"I think he respects me enough to let me do my job."

"You think or you know? Love can make people do stupid things."

"I love you and we work together just fine."

Voight laughed.

"I don't think it's the same thing."

"Of course it is. You took me in and raised me as your own. You saved me. You think my heart wouldn't break if something happened to you? But I respect and trust you enough to let you do your job and to get on with my own."

This was exactly the problem, Voight realised. He was considering a compromise because of his personal relationship with Erin and the kind of work they did left no room for compromise. That's what got people killed. He needed to take the hard line.

"I appreciate that but I'm still in charge here and I can't let you do it."

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have interfered in your personal life."

"No, you shouldn't have."

"But I take it you figured out I was talking about Antonio the other night."

"Don't push your luck Erin," Voight warned.

"Maybe Jay and I shouldn't have done what we did, but we were only pointing out what was already there. I thought you'd appreciate the proactive approach we took to help ourselves and I can't help but notice that you haven't given either of us our marching orders yet."

"It took alotta effort to beat you two into shape. I don't feel like starting over with a new detective right now."

"Why can't you just admit it? You like Antonio. He's a great guy, there's a lot to like there. What's holding you back?"

"It's not just about what I want."

That made her stop and think. She pressed her lips together in a thin line and surveyed him.

"He turned you down," she surmised correctly.

"We're not here to talk about me."

"Hank, I'm sorry."

"Don't be, it's for the best and you and Halstead would do well to remember that too."


	5. The Result

If there was anyone in the unit that had a chance of knowing what was going on with Voight it would be Olinsky. They went way back and though Voight might not talk to O about it, the UC would probably be able to guess.

"Hey O, can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure man, what's up?"

"In here," Antonio said, directing them into the lunch room and closing the door.

Olinsky grabbed an apple and took a noisy bite.

"What's on your mind?" he asked as he chewed.

"I was... wondering if..." Antonio fidgeted. He was a detective for God's sake, securing intel shouldn't be this hard.

"Is this about the thing between you and Voight? Because I'm not sure I'm the best person to ask for relationship advice..."

"Wait, how do you-" Olinsky gave him a wry look. "Never mind." If anyone was gonna figure this out, it'd be Al. "Has he said anything to you about it?"

"We are talking about the same Hank Voight, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Dumb question," Antonio allowed. As if Voight was gonna spill to anyone.

"We done now?" Olinsky asked.

"I guess. You're sure you don't know anything?"

"Look Antonio, what do you want me to say? I can see that-"

Olinsky was cut off when the door burst open.

"We got a fix on that cell phone," Ruzek announced, putting the personal conversation to an end, and all thoughts of his love life vanished as Antonio slipped in to work mode.

xxx

One of the best things about working Intelligence was that you never knew what you were gonna get. It was also one of the worst.

As Antonio watched Ruzek attempt to breach the door of the abandoned warehouse he knew anything could lay on the other side of it. They had their best guesses and they were trained to handle anything but they didn't actually know. That was a lot of the appeal, it was both dangerous and exciting, and Antonio hummed with restless energy as he waited for the door to give. It was different now too, he didn't have to worry about not making it home to his family, they were already gone.

In the moment before Ruzek succeeded, Antonio's eyes connected with Voight's and before he knew what was happening the door swung inwards and they moved inside.

Antonio was momentarily thrown. He was usually the first one in but Voight had taken point this time. He didn't give it more than a seconds thought though because they had work to do. Like always, they scanned for threats and trusted one another to watch each other's backs.

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

Their initial sweep showed up nothing, it looked like the place was empty. Had the phone simply been dumped here? Or more worryingly had the targets been tipped off?

As Antonio moved to join up with the others so they could figure out their next play, he was suddenly being fired upon. He raised his gun and swiftly returned fire. He'd been caught out in the open and he tried to duck for cover as he continued to shoot, hoping to keep the assailant down long enough to get to safety. The shooter was shielded behind some old crates and Antonio would have to get off a lucky shot to incapacitate him but for now hopefully the spray of bullets would be enough to keep him down.

The planned worked. Once he was behind cover he hastily reloaded, while doing his best to keep an eye on the shooter. Maybe if the guy stood up, he'd at least be able to wing him. Quietly, he moved to position himself better to take the shot if that happened, focusing entirely on the task. He watched the guy cautiously stand to look for him, and managed to line the shot up. He pulled the trigger and almost instantly another gunshot sounded from behind him. He whipped around to see Voight with his gun raised and a second person crumpled on the floor between them. Voight's shot had landed in the guy's back and Antonio realised Voight had just saved his arse.

It was on the tip of his tongue to say thanks when everything happened at once.

"Gun!" Erin shouted and Antonio was knocked to the ground as the crack of a rifle went off. Just as quickly he was on his feet again and scanning for the threat.

"Where?!"

"Up there!" Jay yelled, swinging his gun up and squeezing off a couple of rapid shots in the direction of a second floor landing. Realising he was outgunned, the shooter turned and ran. Jay and Antonio took off after him.

Jay ran up the nearest flight of stairs, while Antonio crossed the warehouse floor to block the shooter's escape. Thinking he'd found a clear exit route the guy came running down the second flight of stairs that Antonio was guarding. When he realised he was trapped he began to raise his weapon, obviously planning to shoot his way out.

Antonio already had his own weapon raised.

"Don't shoot!" Antonio yelled but his request was ignored, so he squeezed the trigger and the guy dropped to the ground.

Antonio let his own gun drop to his side and he stared at the body with a strange sort of detachment. Somewhere, something more important than this was happening. Urgent voices seeped into his awareness.

Jay caught up then and crouched down to check for vitals. He looked up and shook his head. Antonio had no time to process the fact that he'd just killed a man because his attention was being drawn by panicked conversation. A sense of dread seized him and he and Jay raced back to where they'd left the others.

When he saw them, his fears were realised.

Erin and Ruzek were kneeling on the ground with a third person laid out between them.

By the time he reached them, they had Voight's vest off and there was blood. Lots of it. Tears streaked Erin's face but she was doing her best to keep it together and do what she had to do. Antonio's heart jumped into his throat. Voight couldn't be...

He shoved Ruzek out of the way and dropped down beside the man who had just saved his life. Voight was pale and still, but breathing. The knot of dread in Antonio's gut uncoiled the tiniest bit with that discovery.

Across Voight's motionless body, his eyes connected with Erin's.

"It came from above, it got inside the collar of his vest..." She explained before her voice began to rise hysterically, "I can't lose him. I can't!"

The exact same sentiment ran through Antonio's mind. He held onto the fact that it could've been a lot worse. Voight was alive and that meant there was still hope. A headshot and it would've all been over.

Erin's hands were faltering on the wound, dark blood escaping between her fingers, as she degenerated into sobs. He eased her hands aside to take over applying pressure, as Jay pulled her up and into his arms. Olinsky took her place.

The wound itself was in an awkward position near Voight's collarbone. _Like Jules..._

"The ambo's are on their way," Olinsky said softly. Antonio nodded, not trusting his voice enough to speak. A silent mantra began to play over and over in his mind. _Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me..._

xxx

Antonio couldn't stand just waiting around. He knew it was all in the hands of the surgeons now and there was nothing he could do but that didn't mean it wasn't frustrating as hell.

All the team were in the waiting area. They'd left the uni's to clean up the mess. Two bodies and a patient to transport. Antonio didn't really care. Everything that mattered was happening here in this hospital.

Everyone else was seated, except for Antonio who keep pacing because at least that gave him else to focus on.

The others sat together in groups of two or three except for Olinsky who he suspected might be keeping an eye on him.

"Hey Dawson, get over here," the older cop called, "you're making me dizzy."

"What?" Antonio said irritably.

"I said sit down." Olinsky patted the seat next to him.

Antonio sat because he didn't know what else to do. He could always get up and start pacing again...

"Hank will be alright," O said quietly.

"You don't know that."

"You ever know anything to keep him down before? Hell, even when you arrested him on conspiracy to murder, they only kept him locked up for a month or two."

"Bullets are different. Not even Voight can talk his way out of this one."

"I guess you're right," Olinsky shrugged, leaning back in his seat. "Still, wearing a hole in the floor isn't going to change anything."

"I think my concern is justified."

"Maybe, doesn't mean it does any good."

"Are you trying to piss me off? Because it's working."

Olinsky shrugged again.

"At least you're not worrying anymore."

Antonio opened his mouth to reply, couldn't think of anything to say and closed it again.

O was just looking out for him. Talking to Al he was reminded of their earlier conversation. The one before everything went to shit.

"Hey O, what were you gonna say earlier before Ruzek interrupted?"

"Just that I know Hank is crazy about you. I guess he's proved that though, he took a bullet for you."

Antonio leaned forward and scrubbed his hands over his face. As if he didn't feel bad enough already.

"God, I've screwed this up so bad..."

O gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. "It's not too late..."

Antonio didn't have time to argue before the doctor walked into the room.

They all jumped to their feet.

"How is he?" Erin asked anxiously.

"The surgery went well..." The doctor said with a sigh, pulling his surgical cap off.

"I'm sensing there's a 'but'," Jay pressed.

"Yes," the doctor agreed, "he didn't wake up like we would've expected him to."

"What does that mean?" Antonio asked.

"It's just a waiting game now. Hopefully he'll regain consciousness soon."

"But he will wake up..." Antonio insisted.

"Like I said, we just have to wait and see."

This doctor didn't know Voight like they did, it was just a matter of time before he opened his eyes and started handing out orders again. He was too much of a control freak to leave his team to anyone else.

"Can I wait with him?"

"His condition is stable so I don't see why not."

"Thanks," Antonio nodded before the doctor left to check on his other patients.

He had only taken one step when O stayed him with a hand on his shoulder.

"Are you sure, man? It's already been a really long day."

Antonio shrugged him off, there was no question about where he needed to be right now. Without another word he walked away in search of Voight.

xxx

Antonio felt sick as he sat by Voight's bedside. The nauseous feeling was born from a sense of helplessness. Nothing he did now would affect the outcome. Voight would either wake up or he wouldn't. He wasn't used to having to sit back and wait. And there was regret in there too. He knew that now.

In this whole thing he'd never really stopped to think about what he wanted. His head had been so full of Erin and Jay's expectations, and what Voight might want, that he forgot to ask himself if it was what he wanted and after so long of dancing around each other and trying to deny whatever this thing that had sprung up between them was, it was a gun fight and a hunk of lead in Voight's chest that put things in perspective. It was a brutal reminder that their number could be up at any time.

He knew as well as anyone what gunshot wounds meant. He himself had been gunned down twice, and Jules had been killed, but this time he was alone, now that Laura was gone, and the only person he wanted to talk to was lying unconscious in the bed in front of him.

Hours had dragged by since the surgery and there was still no sign that Voight was going to wake but Antonio had no intention of leaving until he did. Voight might not be in this position if it weren't for him. He'd been watching Antonio's back instead of his own when he got shot.

The terror he felt at the possibility of never hearing Voight's voice again was how Antonio knew he'd fallen for the other cop. He'd been such an idiot and he wanted Voight to know that.

"I think maybe I let you down. I didn't mean to. It just took me a little longer to get to where you are. Wake up and I'll make it right, I swear."

The sound of approaching footsteps alerted him to the presence of someone else in the room and he turned to see Erin and Jay.

"Any change?" Erin asked gently. Both of them seemed wary and they watched him carefully.

Antonio just shook his head. He knew she was struggling with her own pain but he didn't have room left to think about comforting anyone else. Everything he had was consumed with wanting Voight to pull through.

Seeing Voight like this had really shaken him. It was stupid but he'd always kind of thought the guy was untouchable since he'd managed to avoid that lengthy prison sentence.

Erin gave him a sympathetic look. "Hey Antonio, we're sorry." She was apologising for making him care more than he should.

"It's done now." He turned back to Voight and Erin and Jay left him alone after that.

xxx

Antonio opened his eyes when he felt fingers softly running though his hair. He realised he'd fallen asleep and it took him a second to remember where he was.

He looked up and remembered all too well when he saw Voight's washed out face but he knew too that it could've been so much worse.

A wave of protectiveness washed over him at the sight of his usually strong and capable leader looking so vulnerable. He took Voight's hand and held it between his own. It was cool to touch, reminding Antonio of just how lucky they'd been.

"Hey." Voight's voice sounded even huskier than usual which Antonio would've thought was impossible but it was so good to hear. His relief translated into a smile for the other man.

"Hey."

"How long you been sitting there?"

"I don't know. Since you got out of surgery."

"Can't find any police work to do?"

Antonio shook his head. "Already did the one thing that needed doing."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Shoot dead the piece of trash that did this to you."

Voight sucked in a breath.

"It does smart a little. What happened?"

"You okay?" Antonio asked with concern, leaving Voight's question for later. He was pretty sure the targets had been tipped off but they didn't need to get into that now.

"Yeah," Voight nodded, Antonio suspected that was a lie.

"Do you need me to get you anything?"

"Think I've got everything I need right here." He tightened his fingers around Antonio's.

"You scared me," Antonio admitted.

"Returning the favour I guess." Not so long ago the situation had been reversed and it'd been him in the hospital bed.

"I think I'd prefer the bullet right now."

Voight fixed him with a steady gaze.

"I know I would."

There it was. With that admission Voight was putting everything on the line again and Antonio was struck by the realisation that right here was a person who would do absolutely anything for him. Someone who understood him completely. Someone who didn't expect more from him that he could give. He couldn't ask for anything more than that.

He raised Voight's hand and pressed it to his lips, maybe trying to chase the chill away, or maybe just wanting to keep him close. When he turned his head to look at Voight again those dark eyes were watching him with guarded expectation. He didn't want Voight to have to wonder anymore.

"Hey Sarge? Do you think I could get those five minutes now?"


	6. Epilogue

Jay pulled Erin into his arms and kissed her goodbye. He'd finally done what he should've done a while ago, he'd manned up and quit Intelligence to transfer to another district.

"I'll see you tonight," he told her, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She smiled up at him, "can't wait."

The sweet moment was interrupted by a cry of outrage. Both Erin and Jay turned to see Ruzek's incredulous face.

"This is unbelievable! Burgess lost her shot at Intelligence because of me and now you two are allowed to just make out in the office! It's horseshit!"

"Take it easy there, Ruzek. We've got Cupid's privileges," Jay teased, not bothering to point out that he was leaving.

"What the hell does that even mean?!"

Erin and Jay both looked towards Voight and Antonio who were all not-so-casual touches and sappy smiles and goo goo eyes. In short, they were loved up.

"You've gotta be kidding me," Ruzek choked. "Those two?"

"I worry about your powers of observation if you didn't see that coming," Al threw in, appearing out of nowhere. Trust him to make this about Adam's shortcomings and not the fact that the Sargent had broken his own rule by hooking up with one of his detectives. Not to mention that they were both dudes and nobody else seemed to find that in the slightest bit strange. What might he do differently, Adam wondered, if he could go back to that day at the academy and know Al was watching him? Nothing probably, still that didn't mean he couldn't be pissed off.

"So I'm the only one in Intelligence that's not allowed to date within unit?" he pouted.

"Oh I don't know cupcake," Al winked, "we might be able to figure something out."

"If it's all the same to you Al," Ruzek gulped, "I think I'd rather be celibate for the rest of my life."

"Suit yourself," Olinsky shrugged, "but don't ever say I didn't offer."


End file.
